Dear A,

It's football season and my Tampa Bay Bucs are 2-0, while the Michigan State Spartans are 3-0. Needless to say, I'm in an upbeat mood.

Here's what I'm following this week...

AUDIOBOOK I'M LISTENING TO...

Stay Sane in an Insane World: How to Control the Controllables and Thrive by Greg Harden. I’m really enjoying this audiobook. Every morning, I put it on while I run and during my commute, and it’s quickly become a highlight of my day.

Greg Harden rose to fame as the athletic advisor at the University of Michigan — best known for convincing a frustrated, bench-warming quarterback named Tom Brady not to transfer to USC, instead instilling him with the confidence to eventually become the starter.

But this book goes far beyond that one famous case study. Harden shares incredible stories of countless athletes he’s helped over the years, many of which are even more inspiring. At its core, the book is about “controlling the controllables” — learning to tune out outside noise (and that negative inner voice) so you can focus on becoming the best version of yourself.

Even if you’re not a sports fan, I highly recommend it. The lessons are universal, and the practical insights are immediately applicable to everyday life.

STUDY I'M READING...

Harry Harlow Monkey Experiment. In his book, Greg Harden references psychologist Harry Harlow’s controversial experiments on maternal bonding conducted in the 1950s and 1960s. Harlow sought to understand how newborn rhesus monkeys form attachments with their mothers. To study this, he created two artificial “mothers”: one made of bare wire that provided milk, and another covered in soft cloth that provided no nourishment.

Remarkably, even though the wire mother offered food, the baby monkeys spent most of their time clinging to the soft, cloth-covered mother. Harlow concluded that comfort and emotional security were more critical to healthy development than food alone. He also discovered that early maternal deprivation led to severe emotional damage — manifesting as fearfulness, social withdrawal, and even stunted brain development. Importantly, he found that these effects could sometimes be reversed if the monkeys formed a secure attachment before the end of a critical developmental window.

If not, however, the consequences were lifelong: the monkeys remained fearful and isolated, and females who later became mothers were often neglectful or even abusive toward their offspring. Harlow’s research, though ethically debated, revolutionized our understanding of emotional development and influenced how social workers identify and intervene in cases of child neglect — highlighting the essential role of comfort, affection, and human connection in raising healthy children.

ADVICE I'M FOLLOWING...

Asking "Are you okay?" I had the privilege of working with former FBI hostage negotiator turned best-selling author and trainer, Chris Voss, over a decade ago. He's a great guy who provides excellent content about negotiation tactics and strategies. I wanted to share his advice about asking someone if they are "okay." Chris writes:

Someone cuts you off. A stranger snaps at you in the coffee shop. A guy honks, mouths off, throws a glare in your direction.

You’ve never met them before, and probably never will again.

And yet, they can hijack your whole mood.

But here’s what I’ve learned: They’re not mad at you.

They’re carrying something that has nothing to do with you... and you just happened to be the spark that hit the fuse.

That’s why when someone comes at me sideways, I don’t fire back. I don’t try to win.

Instead, I ask: “Are you okay?”

Not as a weapon. Not sarcastically.

Genuinely.

That question does two things:

First, it tells them I see something... that I’m not taking the bait.

Second, it gives them a choice. To check themselves. To explain. Or to keep spinning.

Most people don’t want to be jerks. They just don’t know what to do with their own storm.

And when you lead with Tactical Empathy... when you disarm instead of escalate... you flip the whole dynamic.

If you knew what most people were dealing with, you’d take it a lot easier on them.

SCENE I'M RE-WATCHING...

The Natural Home Run Scene. With the passing of legendary actor Robert Redford yesterday, I would be remiss if I didn’t reflect on what I believe to be the greatest sports movie ever made — The Natural.

Redford was 47 years old when he stepped into the role of Roy Hobbs, the once-promising phenom making a dramatic late-career comeback. (Fun fact: Wilford Brimley, who played the grizzled manager Pop Fisher, was just 49 at the time — despite looking decades older.)

This film still boasts one of the most iconic endings in movie history — a moment that never fails to bring a tear to my eye. In our house, it remains a timeless ritual to cheer, cry, and celebrate, as Roy rounds the bases in slow motion with the ballpark lights exploding like fireworks behind him... and then it ends with him playing catch with his son in the corn fields! I mean come on! I'm getting emotional just writing this!

QUOTE I'M PONDERING...

"You know, I believe we have two lives: the life we learn with and the life we live with after that."

– Iris Gaines (Glenn Close) in The Natural

Thank you for your attention. As always, I welcome your thoughts and suggestions.

Stay safe and vigilant,

 Luke Bencie