Monday Security Memo

Intellectual Firepower for Professionals

Seasons Greetings (and Happy Festivus) from SMI

“A new holiday was born... a Festivus for the rest of us!”

— Frank Costanza, Seinfeld

Dear A,

As the holiday season hits full operational overload - Hanukkah wrapping up, Christmas charging in, and Kwanzaa warming up on deck - there remains one stubborn, under-appreciated holiday refusing to be ignored: Festivus.

Festivus is what happens when holiday cheer finally snaps. Born out of a 1997 toy-store brawl and fueled entirely by frustration, Festivus was Frank Costanza’s answer to twinkling lights, forced joy, and seasonal nonsense. His philosophy was simple: No tinsel. No pretending. And absolutely no inner peace.

Celebration begins with the proud display of an aluminum pole - because Frank found "tinsel distracting" and happiness should never sparkle. Friends and family then gather for dinner, followed by the legendary Airing of Grievances, where everyone finally gets to say what they’ve been holding in all year (loudly and without repercussions). This is immediately followed by the Feats of Strength, proving once and for all that nothing unites people quite like wrestling the head of the household in dress clothes.

Frank Costanza invented the holiday of Festivus because "there had to be a better way."

Festivus concludes only when someone is pinned and everyone is reminded that this holiday isn’t about gifts, kindness, or goodwill - it’s about honesty, pent-up resentment, and the comforting realization that you’re not alone in finding the holidays exhausting.

Festivus: lowering expectations since 1997!

Stay safe and vigilant!

Luke Bencie